Kristy's Blog

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Don’t let anyone tell you anything different, Burning Man is a cult. There is a uniform, a way of talking, specific language, and of course, the 10 principals. You can read the Ten Principals on the burningman.com website. I always get the feeling that the Burning Man organization would really like you to read these principals on your knees, burning incense and with a hushed sort of mental reverence.

I have my own rules which should be added to the Ten Principals. They seem to be followed to the letter:

The Burning Man Unwritten Principals

11. Uniform for Men (kilts) – Jeans? You Newbie. Sure, some people actually get creative and wear costumes or unusual but cool outfits, but if you’re a male and you want to make SURE you’re you won’t stick out like a sore thumb, wear a kilt.

12. Uniform for Women (dress your tits to impress and wear some combination of fur, tulle and raver boots) – Shorts and a T-shirt in the hot sun? You’re instantly branded an outsider. The uniform for women consists of wearing tutus, fur boot covers, sparkly bra tops, sparkly pasties or go topless at burning man. There are actually a lot of gorgeous half-nude female bodies at burning man. Unlike nude beaches or nudist farms, the people without clothes here actually look good.

13. DJs – Thou must worship at the feet of any DJ, no matter how terrible or uninspired they are. For you men, if you have a lap top, digitized music, a couple of amps and rudimentary lighting system (like a flashlight), you’re pretty much guaranteed to get laid if you get a chance to spin. For some reason, whether the motivations be laziness or instant gratification, modern-day burning man “musicians” can’t be bothered to learn a musical instrument. Mixing up, or just playing other people’s works seems to be all you need to be considered one of the “great ones”. I equate being a DJ to playing golf – you don’t need much skill in order to be half way decent.

14. The Universe and its Influence on the Event – Thou must put positive intentions out to the universe, talk about getting rid of negative energy, maintain that everything happens for a reason, or that you’ve manifested at least one item brought to burning man. Even if you don’t pay lip service to this kind of twaddle, you have to put up with this talk. You’ll hear it a lot. Among the more sensible burning man participants, talking like this or subscribing to these beliefs is called being “universey-woo-woo”. Don’t ask me how this terminology came into being, but if you’re ever stuck listening to this type of verbiage, it seems perfectly applicable.

15. All Art at Burning Man is good, as a matter of fact, it borders on the divine. – Burning man literally has art everywhere, some of it quite good and occasionally astounding. But some of it sucks. Criticizing art work at burning man will manifest an astounding amount of negative energy – directed at you. If you can’t bring yourself to praise a piece of work you see, making no comment at all is probably the best way to go.

16. Thou must at least pretend to be interested in burning man art. – Officially, burning man is about the art. Unofficially, it’s about getting laid, partying and dressing in crazy outfits. I understand that if you’re really hammered and/or you’re talking up a potential sexual conquest, art does seem to fade to the distant background. Use your feigned (if that’s all you can muster) or genuine interest in art to your advantage – a great excuse to get away from whatever dull circumstances you find yourself in is that “I want to go look at the art.” This will invariably be met with solemn nods of agreement that yes, you must continue on your sacred journey.

17. Art Cars – Thine measure of coolness depends on the number or art cars you’ve ridden on. A night-time activity of many participants seems to be “let’s get fucked up and ride on an art car.” There are usually about 250-300 art cars at the event, some of them able to take on 30+ revelers. All you need to do is ask if it’s ok and jump on. Most of the time you don’t even need to pay attention to whether or not you’re given verbal permission. Of course, if you actually OWN an art car at burning man, your coolness factor pretty much goes off the scale. Your chances of getting laid are so high, they can’t even be estimated.

18. Fire Makes Everything Interesting Even if you’re camping in your own backyard with Evangelical Christians, that campfire is still hypnotic. With a name like burning man, you would expect that fire is everything and you’d be right. Things get blown up and ignited with amazing frequency. Is your art project kind of douche-baggy? Throw a fire effect on it, and people will coo at it like it’s a newborn. There are numerous fire performers – fire spinners, fire eaters, fire hoopers. You better stifle that yawn even if you’ve already seen the same act 100 times before. Fire at burning man is ART. Amazement and reverence are mandatory.

Credit: The Phoenix Atheists

Christ’s resurrection is the central event of Christianity, a fundamental truth that must be reaffirmed with vigor at all times, as to deny it in different ways, as has been attempted and continues to be attempted, or to transform it into a merely spiritual event is to make our faith vain. If Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain.(1) Pope Benedict XVI

The Jesus coming-back-from-the-dead story is Christianity’s most important myth. You might think they would have their story straight, especially since they had years to rehearse it before writing the Bible. But if you think so, you are wrong.

Take this multiple choice quiz about the Jesus rising story:

1. What time of day was an empty tomb found?
A. While it was still dark (John 20:1)
B. Very early in the morning (Luke 24:1)
C. At dawn (Matthew 28:1)
D. After sunrise (Mark 16:2)
E. All of the above

2. Who first went to Jesus’ tomb?
A. Mary Magdalene (John 20:1)
B. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary (Matthew 28:1)
C. Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Salome (Mark 16:1)
D. Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, Joanna and the others with them (Luke 24:10)
E. All of the above

3. Did the woman or women meet anyone at the tomb?
A. Yes, a young man dressed in white was already sitting in the tomb (Mark 16:5)
B. Yes, two men in clothes that gleamed like lightening were not there initially but quickly appeared (Luke 24:4)
C. Yes, an angel who rolled away a stone from the tomb entrance and some guards who were standing there (Matthew 28:2-4)
D. Not at first, but later that day two angels appeared inside the tomb and talked to Mary Magdalene (John 20:12)
E. All of the above

4. To whom did Jesus speak first?
A. Two disciples (Luke 24:13)
B. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary (Matthew 28:9)
C. To Mary Magdalene alone (Mark 16:9)
D. In the presence of two angels, to Mary Magdalene, who first thought Jesus was a gardener (John 20:14-15)
E. All of the above

5. How long did Jesus hang around before heading up to heaven?
A. Only one day (Mark 16:19, Luke 24:51)
B. An unspecified period of time, but at least long enough for his disciples to get to Galilee (probably several days walk) (Matthew 28:16)
C. More than a week (John 20:26, 21:1-25)
D. Forty days (Acts 1:3)
E. All of the above

My guess is that you answered “all of the above” to each. That means either you are a cynic, a Bible scholar, or you figured the citations next to each answer means that I read the Bible passages and reported the answers accurately. The correct answer is “all of the above.”

It is difficult to believe that almost one-third of Americans (2) think the Bible is the inerrant word of god when the story tellers cannot even keep their most important story straight. If the “testimony” of the Bible were presented in court, the case would be dismissed for lack of reliable evidence. Religion requires faith because it lacks facts. The great mystery is why so many people let these poorly constructed ancient myths dictate their modern behavior.

For the last 2 months I’ve had a terrible battle going on in my head. I change my mind every couple of hours. The viewpoints are totally opposing. I’ve never had this problem before, I’m usually so decisive.

I’ll hopefully come back and read this entry in a month’s time and know which side won.

OMG and LOL Just Added to the Oxford English Dictionary. WTF?